When your sister tells you to go kill yourself… she doesn’t mean it. She’s lashing out. She’s hurting. She has lost all hope, and her last ditch attempt at getting what she wants is a slew of hateful words that she know will strike a cord. She may not have meant it, but she chose her words and I find her responsible for that.
Does she hate me? No. Is she mad at me? Did I wrong her? No. No.
I simply gave her a thumbs-up and refused to entertain her toxicity in my life any longer. She’s my sister, my family, and I love her. But I will not sacrifice my inner peace by giving place to her noxious energy. This is more than just an incident, her entire person, demeanor, attitude is extremely damaging. She uses other people’s emotions as a scratching post for her own unfulfilled yearnings. That’s her coping skill. And that day, she chose me. From a thousand miles away, a few text messages later, and I became her scratching post. I was not shocked, as growing up, I’d often been that target. But we’re adults now and beyond childish bs like that … or so I’d hope, but apparently not.
My reaction initially was a sarcastic giggle. It’s my sister, she’s just mad. Whatever. But those are some pretty powerful words: “you should go kill yourself” regardless of the reasoning, the intent was very clear. I proceeded to block her as a protection measure, disallowing myself to be used again as her verbal punching bag. I did not feel guilty...not one bit. I began to feel pain creep into my energy, and only much later I realized I was absorbing her energy, her pain, her distraught. It was intense. I collapsed on the couch, hysterically sobbing, shaking. I felt more than just hurt or general pain. I felt betrayal. Despair. Hopeless. Empty. Incomplete. Guilt. I felt angry. Angry that she would be so selfish. Even more angry that it was overlooked by two out of three other family members. Infuriated at her hypocrisy of Christianity.
I knew she didn’t mean it. I didn’t take it literally, though it should never be said to anyone ever… I wasn’t hurt that she wanted me to go kill myself, b/c I knew she didn’t want me to go kill myself. I was mad that she was taking out her issues on me. I was hurt that she thought it was okay to dump on me; and I felt her pain, her guilt, her disparaged spirit.
Though I’d never gone through what she was facing in her life, I could feel her energy, and was it quite intense.
This spurred me to look into cutting the etheric cords between us.My sister isn’t a bad person. She has been there for me in the past, but she carries with her an entitlement that is corrupting to anyone in her path that she chooses to unleash on. I had to make a choice. Was I going to continue to experience her pain? Or was I going to release her to the light? I found this list of ways to cut etheric cords and applied it directly to my situation.