Flyhiee

Unfaithful!

By Whitney Ibe ,Africa
Unfaithful!

 In our world today infidelity is one of the leading causes of marital conflicts, abuses and divorce. The question ; why do we cheat on our partners will never stop trending. My recent Research conducted at the university of Lagos showed me that the notion of infidelity lies more with the male folks than the female counterparts.
Most female students were of the opinion that ; men loves variety, men loves to cheat, it’s simply in their nature etc… Very few females had a different opinion.

When I spoke with the men, they also had something to say. Some ignorantly concurred with the ladies that it’s simply in their nature, while many others gave the following reasons ; my girl isn’t fun, my wife nags, my wife is clueless, my girlfriend is an introvert and I love the outdoors, it’s a man’s world etc.

I understand that everyone has affairs they deal with in their relationships, but the affairs of the heart and infidelity seems more consuming than any other. The issue of infidelity seems to be one of the major reasons why marriages and relationships crumble. An average university student in Nigeria(Lagos precisely) already has the mindset that she needs to date more than one man so as not to get her heart broken they are always on the defensive by saying “Men would always cheat” and of course this notion results from either the family background, experience, peer pressure and influence, societal norms etc.

Unfaithful! Unfaithfulness is the direct and express reason why most if not majority of marriages end in divorce and many relationships grow sour or gets broken. The question I haven’t stopped asking is “Can any marriage survive infidelity? Can any relationship survive infidelity? I’m of the opinion that it can still be mended but it will take a considerable amount of time for any form of healing and trust to take effect again but do you think so too?

In my quest to find more answers to this question, I saw a movie by Richard Gere titled” Unfaithful ” and the movie goes way back. In this marriage or relationship the adage that says men would always cheat didn’t play out. The act of infidelity was carried out by the woman, a singular act almost destroyed her home and everything she had built. The union was savaged by her husband who had to kill her lover. The irony here is that not many relationships survive after any act of infidelity. Ten out of a hundred survive. Why? The emotional trauma, stigma, lack of trust, hatred, bitterness, insecurities it brings alongside it, is not always easy to handle.

The truth is times have changed. There was a time when more smart-conscious decisions were made relating to sexual relationships, when relationships were considered precious and marriage sacred. In particular, sexual relationships within a marriage. Sadly, the pillars that hold up our individual sexual values seems to have crumbled. What used to be valued and respected is now being debated on and doubted seriously. Love isn’t a game and neither should our relationship become one .

If you’re not matured enough to handle one, why have two?
Fellas, I understand that you will always want sex and freedom but you must put your masculinity and libido under check, be responsible for your actions and remember that women needs to be loved and nurtured…

Ladies

Ladies I understand that you’re emotional and highly sensitive beings but endeavor to be open and make investments in your relationships. Be it physical, physiological, emotional investment for they are all critical to ensuring a faithful partner. Communicate with him, pay attention to his likes and dislikes. Don’t play the mind game with him and tag him “cliche” when he does something wrong. Make room for a healthy relationship and it begins with you having a healthy mindset.