I have three children. They are ages 7, 4 (nearly 5), and 17 months.
My 7 year old son is a huge struggle for me. It is almost like we go through these waves of up and down all the time. Some waves he is so good, and is doing so well, and when the wave crashes and the thunder roars, a thick dark cloud sets upon my house and the rain pours and pours.
I have found that as he gets older, the waves are longer. So, when he is on the upside of the wave, and riding the tide, it lasts so much longer. However, when he crashes, and the storm comes, it is getting more and more difficult to manage.
He is a very strong kid, and about 70 pounds already. He basically blacks out, and goes into an emotional rage. He is prone to being violent and aggressive, and it is so tough to parent.
I have had all the advice in the world, do this, do that, try this, try that. I have heard it all. Nothing, absolutely nothing makes any difference what so ever. Actually, if you get angry, and raise your voice, it is almost as if it becomes a game to him, and he plays it even harder.
It is tough. So, as their mother, you constantly wonder, when will the storm come. When will the wave crash? Not that I want to constantly assume the negative, but you need to be 2 steps ahead and have your umbrella ready for when the rain comes pouring down.
Yes, we've been to Doctors, yes we have tried medications, yes we got second opinions. We've gone to therapists, pyschologists, councelling, assesements. I believe I have done everything you could do.
I love him. He is really an incredible child. He is intensely bright. He is a math whiz its amazing. He is polite and respectful. He is a wonderful big brother, and values his family so so much.
He struggles with anxiety. He struggles to sleep. He struggles to move on, and cope. He can't accept change very well, and he always needs to have a routine and structure. He is obsessed with time and things always must have a time.
He dosn't play, he dosn't see the point. He reads, and bikes. He really is incredible. He just requires so much from me, that it drains my mind and body sometimes.
Sometimes I wonder if I cause the storm? Maybe I didn't say the right thing? Maybe I didn't use the right tone of voice, or I forgot which water bottle to send to school?
After an episode, and he is calm and in bed, I replay it over and over in my mind so as to try to understand what happened. What could we, as his parents, do differently. How is this okay? How is this normal?
I have been told that he just has an intense temper. I've been told that he is intensely bright, and with intensely bright children come their intense tempers. However, I've never been sure I believe that.
He dosn't get mad about everything. His temper dosn't switch that fast. It's highs and lows of waves. He struggles to make friends, and establish secure and healthy friendships, and it all just makes me so sad.
As his mom, I am supposed to be helping him. But what if it's some kind of mental illness that he dosn't even know to tell me so we can get help?
Mental Health is a very large passion of mine, and as I watch him grow up, I do my very best to be there for him, and support him in every way that I can. For him to know, however he is feeling, it is okay, just talk to me.
Right now, we are in a storm. It is crashing on top of my house and I constantly am soaked by pouring rain. At times there is lightning in the distance, and as each storm happens I worry more and more about his future. About his mind. About what he thinks about himself, and about what will continue to happen as he gets older.
Please hope for us that the storm dosn't last too long.
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