Rusted Feathers In My Nest

 

I saw him again.

He stopped by my office and it took me a while to recognize him

 

He called my name.

 

He walked close to me and asked how I am doing. Well, I am doing alright, despite what he did to me.

 

I tried to smile and it all began to flashback.

 

”He began to drag me into his room and covered my face with a pillow so that I won’t make any single sound. I was crying. I could not scream, I could not move. I was in pain. He touched me and consumed me lustfully”

 

He was talking to me but my thoughts were clearly flying. I was not paying attention.

—-

We have been together since our high school days, and our parents consented to the relationship. Until the time came when he cheated on me, not once but always.

He cheated on me. I hated him for it, but I loved him.

I was making a mistake, but I could not help myself.

 

When I decided to cut fully our communication, I slowly began fixing myself. It has been a year without him and I felt like I have moved on.

I was already dating the guy I met after him, we are good friends but now he’s my boyfriend even though he lives in the southern part of the island and we rarely see each other.

 

I was having ice cream at 7/11, around 8 pm and alone. I was sitting on the bench and I saw a guy, having Pepsi and looked very much familiar. He turned over his face to my gaze and our eyes met.

It’s him. I saw him a year now. My heart was beating very loud and my eyes were filled with sadness.

 

We talked.

 

He told me that he met some girl, different from the one he cheated on me with. They were both fine but she cheated on him and he tried to love her, warts and all. Forgave her lies. He did what I did to him. But in the end, he gave up.

Their relationship did not work out.

 

Starting from that day, we started to talk to each other again like casual friends.

 

But as our friendship grew, I started to discover irritable traits about him.

He was starting to take illegal drugs and was a member of a dangerous fraternity.

I created the distance again and the relationship became strained.

 

He raped me.

 

I came home lost, and wasted.

I was weary and sad.

Days passed, the nights grew longer and I was getting depressed.

 

I did not tell anybody about it. I frightened and deeply traumatized.

Everything in me wanted to hate him, but I did not know how to.

 

He started to apologize days after but things got worse.

I missed my period.

 

It came to a point wherein I couldn’t sleep anymore. I wake up and just cry and fall back to sleep.

I wanted to commit suicide.

I wanted to end everything.

 

I started to ask help from my friends and told them about what happened.

But when I reached out to him, he no longer responded.

I told my boyfriend about what happened and he cried.

And I was extremely guilty, and just hoped that I never saw him that night at 7/11.

My boyfriend gave his ultimate support by sending me to the hospital and it was confirmed that I wasn’t pregnant. But I acquired an infection inside my body. (Not HIV) I had my medications and started to be doing alright.

 

Months passed and I started a whole new life with a new journey together with my boyfriend who is now my husband. But, yesterday, I saw him again and he stayed in my office to talk about past issues.

 

He has stopped his vices and decided to be in rehab in the next 2 months. He apologized to me and he said he wants to make his life better.

 

I still don’t understand why the world separates us but we still meet at some point. Whenever we talk, I still laugh with him just like before.

I never hated him even if he did something immoral to me.

I don’t know why I couldn’t hate him at all.

 

I don’t love him anymore. All I have left is empathy for him as an individual and I can see that he still wants to change.

 

He told me that our relationship is like a thread, it can be split in half but when you hold them together with your fingers, sometimes they still intertwine.

 

We aren’t meant to be.

But we were meant to know each other.

Image source: Google

By Human, Somewhere on Earth

Note: We can't disclose the identity of the writer but she is brave.

 

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4 thoughts on “Rusted Feathers In My Nest”

  1. Heart wrenching. Your bravery in reaching out is commendable and your husband’s acceptance and love for you is a rare gift. I understand the inability to hate even though wrong is done. Of how so much pain can be caused yet the universe still puts one in the path of the other at times. You deserve to be proud of how you wrote this up to share and for how far you have come. I loved this.

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