Life could have been much better had people accepted us. Since they don’t; our lives revolve around pretending and hiding.
Life gets complicated somehow. Especially, if we go away from our home for further studies and share a room with just another girl. It’s easy to hide for some time, but can’t hide it all the time. If not everyone then roommate surely will get some hint. Though we don’t fall for every other girl, there are things which make us uncomfortable and that’s the grey area where we find it difficult to hide. But then the problem is we can’t control it. Plus if we confess it then it will leave others uncomfortable around us. Like, the other day my roommate was asking me if her nipples were visible in the top she was wearing. I looked and told her no. But when I said this, I had a smile on my face which I could not hide. Now, this question was normal that two girls can ask each other, but you tell me, will she ask the same question the moment she gets to know that I’m a lesbian?
This was just a minute example that I gave, but there are many instances which makes us uncomfortable and people think that we are weird or insane to smile for no specific reason.
The reason we have to hide and pretend all the time is that society will hate the real us. The only reason we live in depression most of the time and have suicidal thoughts is that we can’t tell anyone about our feelings and not every one of us is courageous enough to come out and face the trauma of societal non-acceptance.
The other day my girlfriend wanted to kiss me. I told her to wait for like years till we start living together because if anyone sees us, we will be in jail. Though I consoled her, but here “living together” looks like a distant dream when my parents are worried about getting me married (obviously with a boy). They have no clue about anything.
Accepting the fact that there exists people of different genre can make our lives much better. Until then, we are hiding and pretending to be straight. The problem is this mask can’t be affixed permanently.
By Anamika Pareek, India