Life is, after all, full of uncertainties and risks. You never know when things change even though they appear to be constant. And this is my story, writing out loud. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when it was too late. It’s the thing that affects your ability to effectively socialize and communicate. A very rare disorder.
I’ve suffered too much in my childhood. At the age of a mere 6 years, I wanted to kill myself. Things never turned out to be in my favor.
I am a victim of domestic and mental abuse since I was about 4 and till now, not as frequent as the past but still happens sometimes.
The school was also a living nightmare. Since I had social anxiety and people can’t understand most things I say so I found it pretty difficult to maintain a conversation. Actually conversation is not even a word for me. I couldn’t even communicate without getting a success.
I almost killed myself with pressures that caused my body nearly to fail in high school academics and curriculum. I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I did it. I helped myself get through hell. Now I graduated from college and proud, but still unstable and insecure and sometimes still want to die even when I actually have superior abilities than others. Still can’t speak fluently to people, but I’m better than the little me.
I have 7 cats that my mom adopted without my permission, now they’re my duty. I have to make money to keep them alive even when I didn’t want them to come to our home, but now I love them, I won’t abandon them, unlike what my mom did.
Now I have to deal with the house and work hard to pay the huge debt my mom left behind. I love her, and those cats she brought. I’ll do anything for the cats, they’re the only reason I’m alive.
People left me, I’m a loner, I got hurt a lot, I got cheated hard, but I’m here, I’m still here, walking and I’ll keep walking.
By Spysabrina, Taiwan
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