Oh my gosh !! What just happened are you okay darl ?? That’s what people told me when they saw after I gained weight. We live in such a stereotypical society where a girl is not supposed to weigh beyond a certain weight and not supposed to be darker…
Two years ago when I was dealing with a huge change not just in my body but my mental state as well, there were very few who accepted me with a changed body shape, I was hugely judged, I was brutally body shamed for gaining extra kilos, but no one bothered to ask hey are you okay are you down tell me what ‘s the matter? I remember standing in the mirror and spending hours to camouflage the muffin top and selecting the floral collection and those black dresses just in a hope I don’t get criticized more.
I was trying to adjust to those fading standard of beauty I would say. Every time I see an old friend I was hesitant to meet afraid of being judged. Trust me, I was living in denial. Just to give my reader an idea about how and what, I had a mental breakdown a few years ago, I was going through a bad time in life; since I was a known happy go, lucky person, all I did was make people laugh but deep inside I was hiding and holding a huge basket full of sadness hurt rejection which I never let anyone see.
Simple like there is the solution for every problem, I found mine too- eat away I remember, having episodes of a panic attack and what I did was get up sweating and find food so I can eat and get distracted… yeah that was my way of curbing my fear. I didn’t even realize the amount of damage I was doing to myself in no time I weighed 75 and 78 and 80 those scales would never go down it felt like forever standing on the
scale and reminiscing what I used to be…
I was living in a mess listening and getting “HURT” by some XYZ’s comments and sulking inside, I was so prone to hurt it was not doing me any better until I broke down one fine day lying on hospital emergency room with all the machines fitted I just looked at myself and realized the amount of harm I was doing to myself trust me it was extreme so that day I decided I have to overcome my anxiety and the eating disorder and most of all torturing myself by listening to someone else’s rude comments.
So when I started my journey of I am going to change I love myself it had to be a tough one, waking early morning hitting the gym eating right spending more time on analyzing what is good for me focusing on my strengths the list was a long one, I still remember my first day at the gym it felt like a battleground all I could see was weights, majestic equipment and lots and lots of muscles, I felt myself the odd one out not to forget those muscles were an example of sheer hard work but at the same time it was the only place where I felt unjudged and good about myself, those huge mirrors hung around the gym walls kept on motivating me it was a constant reminder I am beautifully and fearfully made in God’s imagine, I got to love myself first and for once stop the pity game, honestly it was tough but those body aches were the nicest part it only meant I am improving and I am burning those fats the right way.
Every single day I would stand on the scale to weigh my self even those grams of loss made a huge difference the next day it motivated me to do better in no time I was 78 from 80 and 75 sooner these numbers were victory to me all those painful exercises were now my tonic I only felt better and nothing more . The hardest part was diet, I literally cut down on all the junk, my instructor would always ask me -so girl tells me what you had yesterday? he always told me until you feed right exercising will not work true!! Exercise complements your diet both should go hand in hand most important what you eat shows in your body and you got to love your body and feed it right, it is as important as dressing yourself right.
Please note I am not trying to say that shrinking down to size zero is perfect but what I am trying to say is loving yourself and taking care of your body should be the goal because when you start loving yourself everything falls in order. My journey from weighing 55 to 80 and now 68 was tough one I had my own share of tears, sweat, pain but it was worth it feeling beautiful from inside is such an important aspect of health. Being healthy and able to do my work the right way I use to have been such an achievement to me and I would always like to motivate many of you to love yourself, focus on being healthy than being a certain weight and most importantly focusing on your abilities, your strengths, what you good at…
Don’t get disheartened when you are being criticized; because it will always be there, but how you take criticism is most important always be happy and motivated when criticized it will take you to unseen heights.
By Karuna , India