Experiencing Relationships

By Yanisa T , Thailand
Experiencing Relationships

 In the past month, I have learned so much about relationships whether it is romantic or friendly. I finally realize why people keep falling in love despite the inevitable pain. It feels so good to love and to be loved. From my experience or the lack thereof, it is the feeling of loneliness that has pushed me to seek a romantic relationship. Living away from my parents has created a void in my life, I could no longer feel unconditional love and comfort. When I lived with my parents I did not have the desire to seek love from anyone else because I was fulfilled by their love. My parents did not limit me from pursuing a romantic relationship in any way but I just did not really have an interest in anyone and it was not my priority at the time to be involved in a romantic relationship. Now, that I am living without them, I have been seeking someone to fill the void. Consequently, I have put considerable effort into trying to make things work but unfortunately it did not pay off. Now I am having to deal with the aftermath of getting myself back on track.

Interestingly enough, I came to re-discover the reason why I was never in a romantic relationship. Firstly, I have never been motivated to have a romantic relationship. Secondly, I have always prioritized my career goals over all else. Lastly, human relationships are emotionally difficult. My work has never disappointed me, but people do.

As an only child, I was taught to survive on my own and live by the motto “born alone, die alone”, consequently I have never been troubled by being alone. But then all of a sudden, because I like this person, I think of them endlessly when I’m alone. I allowed one person to become the source of my happiness despite the fact that one person cannot provide me with everything I need, there is no perfect person. Now that things have ended, I realized that there are so many other things that can bring me happiness. I have always been a happy person, it’s actually extremely easy to make me happy, but somehow, for a moment, I forgot about that.

On a different note, an end of a romantic relationship has allowed me to appreciate another type of relationship, friendship. When I was really sad, my friends were there for me to cheer me up and made sure that I was fine. They gave me words of encouragement and advice. I never knew that having a pint of beer with a close friend after a stressful day can make me so happy. I was happy that my friend was there for me. I don’t know what I have done to deserve such great friendships. Somehow, that day was one of the saddest days and happiest days in my life.

When we like or love someone, we seem to forget that although that person may be the source of our happiness it is not the only source of our happiness. Then we become attached to that person and we are dependent on them to provide us with happiness. By the time the relationship comes to an end, we have already forgotten how to be happy without that person. It is easy for people to become consumed by the romantic relationship that they are in or seek to be in. This is dangerous. As much as love and affection sustain us, there can be more important things and there are other types of relationships.

When you are feeling down because someone you like or love has let you down, don’t just sit there and sulk in your sadness. Go out and see your friends, talk to them about your problems over a nice brunch. It is very unproductive just to sulk or get lost in your own thoughts and end up blaming yourself for the misfortune. An remember this line from Mariah Carey’s famous song Hero, “You can find love if you search withing yourself, and the emptiness you felt will disappear”.

In the end, I am encouraged and want to have more romantic relationships in the future because it feels good. I will be more careful but I won’t stop it from happening.