Leaving it all behind

By Yanisa T , Thailand

 As I lean my head against the partition of the train, I could see the single teardrop that rolled down my left cheek and landed on my scarf. I was on my final train ride to the Manchester airport after attending my graduation and having done some more travelling. I did not want to shed anymore tears but the sadness that I have to leave my life in the UK behind forever was overwhelming. My life in the UK was the most amazing chapter of my life; I had an incredible time with my friends, I learned a lot about myself, I did well in my studies, I met people that touched my heart, I made life-long friends, and I was happy.

It was devastating to really say goodbye to the people and places that have had such a significant impact of me. What saddened me the most was not only that this chapter of my life was over but that my life from now on would not be as good as it has been. I will have to become an adult and I would not have the freedom that I have grown to be accustomed to. I am terrified of the future. I’m worried that I would not be successful, I would not be able to make new friends, and I would not find the person for me. My life will be different and not for the better.

The sadness of having to leave everyone and everything behind engulfed me. Rather than happily celebrating the success of graduation, I was sulking in the sadness of the reality that the life that I have loved was truly over. After graduation, I spent a couple of more days in Lancaster and the next four days traveling in Manchester and the cities nearby. Every time I visit a Christmas market, my heart would be filled with joy, but this time it was different. I could barely hold back the tears as walked through the Manchester Christmas market. When your heart is empty and the meaning of your life is lost, it feels fine to sit around for hours waiting for the train. The enthusiasm that I used to enjoy, for a moment, was gone. The rainy weather and the sad-looking British landscape against the grey sky was not helpful.

I have never imagined that I would have experienced so much in my one year in the UK. Those incredible moments cannot be replicated in any other place and any other point in time. The realities of today is often not as sweet as the memories of the past. All I can do is cherish those memories and keep in touch with people that I value because I cannot turn back time. It is time for me to set new goals and readjust my life in the hope that someday I will be that happy again.