Since that day three months ago my life has been very different and I was somewhat naive to what was actually ahead of me. I thought being armed with my degree would open even more doors, and it still might.. I’m just currently waiting for that day. Still. I thought my degree gave me a weapon strong enough to conquer the world. Oh how I was wrong.
If I make a mistake now it’s on my own accord and I think that is something that plays on my mind. The choices that I make from now on are solely my own, and I wont have anybody there to guide me away from making bad decisions anymore. I’m not saying that I want to be babyfied but the transition from all support to zero support is quite a downhill path.
July seems so far ago and I feel like a completely different person compared to then. I’ve apparently “lost the twinkle in my eye” a regular customer at work informed me on Sunday afternoon, which hit me like a ton of bricks. I always swore to myself never to bring my problems to work but to leave them at the door as I walk in, how have I allowed myself to show I’ve got things on my mind, without even realising that it’s obvious?
There’s been a lot going on in my life I’m trying to discover what life is all about (and failing miserably) and I think it’s starting to take it’s toll on me.. I’ve been staying at my mum’s, working a part time job in a pub which isn’t exactly the dream, I’ve applied to so many jobs and I’ve not heard back from a single one which is upsetting and infuriating, I’m missing Manchester more and more each day and the life that I had there, I’m juggling a relationship which has unintentionally formed into long distance which breaks my heart even thinking about so I wont linger on that subject, and I miss my boyfriend and his little Cornish accent, I’m starting to see my dream fade away right in front of my eyes. A concept that terrifies the life out of me.
Which is kind of why I decided to do this post because I feel like I’ve got a lot to get off of my chest. Whether you read this post or not, if it helps me in the smallest of ways I think that’s a success.
The thing is I’m still not 100% sure which field of work I want to go into. I know for sure it will be media based, but I’m unsure whether I want to go into writing, such as journalism or if I want to be daring and go into the world of presenting such a radio which I thoroughly enjoyed during uni. I am however applying for anything that catches my eye, and why not? I’ve got nothing to lose.
My main goal right now is to simply stay motivated which is something I struggle with when I feel like giving up so much. My second goal is to find a job which pays over the minimum wage. I would be able to have enough money to live comfortably, but also have enough to put aside towards saving for my future.
Massive good luck to everybody else out there who is in the same boat as me. A good support network is key to keeping yourself sane, open up to those around you about how you are feeling and the support will help get you through the toughest of days.
I, however will not give in and I will make sure of it. I’m going to keep fighting and trying hard, applying, pushing and working towards giving myself a proper future; the future I have always wanted. I’ll get there one day. You just watch me.
If you are in the same boat as me and you want to have a chat then please don’t feel afraid to send me a message. I could actually do with a conversation with someone who is going through, or who has been through the same as me. It will be nice just knowing what I’m feeling is fine and I’m not in fact going mad. My inbox is always open. You can contact me through Twitter, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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