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HEY MY PEEPS I’M SO THANKFUL TO ALL OF YOU WHO READ MY POSTS AND LEAVE COMMENTS, I’M NOT THAT COMPUTER LITERATE TO RESPOND TO EACH COMMENT SO I’M THANKING YOU ALL NOW! I HOPE MY STORY WILL HELP BUILD, ENCOURAGE, ENLIGHTEN, AND EMPOWER OTHERS TO FACE THEIR TRAUMATIC HISTORIES WITH FAITH IN KNOWING GOD’S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR US REGARDLESS OF OUR STRUGGLES!!!
GRACE IS: GOD’S- RICHES -AT- CHRIST’S- EXPENSE- and I’ve learned over the years how much Grace the Lord has given me in my lifetime of sin SO WHEN IT COMES TO DEALIN’ WITH OTHER’S ESPECIALLY MEN I’M LEARNING TO BE GRACIOUS WITH THEM TOO. Men are complicated, men are immature, men are self centered and most times selfish BUT REAL MEN ARE hardworking, great father’s, selfless, protective, smart, and funny and that’s why I say they’re complicated and all those things describe the men I’ve dated in my past including My David!!! He’s had a really bad upbringing and history, I’ve never known a man whose gone through as much as he has so I’m learning grace and patience from the Lord when dealing with him. He and his sister have told me stories of their past since I’ve known them but I know there’s more to tell BUT what I do know is he came from a broken family of SEVERE ALCHOLIC, ABUSIVE, CHAIN CIGARETTE SMOKIN’ parents who divorced, his father met another woman had a daughter by her (who’s the sister he’s close to here where we live now) and now exposed to the abuse JUST FOR BEIN’ BORN!
They’ve both told me of incidents of his sister being his lifeline as a kid because when she visited she became his LIFELINE from the physical abuse he’s been receiving since he was young, at the age of 2 he was nicknamed JD it means juvenile delinquent and as he grew up he displayed the behavior through adulthood. One time his mom was beating his sister with a BROOMSTICK JUST FOR BEIN BORN FROM HER EX until it broke across her back, My David stepped in and took the rest of the beating for her and that began an unhealthy bond they share to this day. As he grew he got into trouble with alcohol and drugs and has served time in prison after serving in the US Marines. He’s 18 years sober and although he’s no longer doing them, their long term affects are manifesting in our relationship where at will he can act like the perpetual 5 year old throwing temper tantrums or having what a friend has called “BANGIN’ ON THE HIGHCHAIR TIME” and it is hard for me to handle MOST TIMES.
It’s a medical fact that when a teenager begin doing drugs, over time they resort back to age 9 or less mentally due to the effects of the drugs and when it’s carried over into adulthood, we women are left with GROWN 6 YEAR OLD MEN who come into our lives with the ultimate line they’ve used on every woman over the years but NEVER REVEALING THEIR IMMATURITY UNTIL THEY HAVE US HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER! In my case it was David who plead his case with me but failed to reveal his true self and how immature he is considering his age. He’s whimsical at times, ANAL ABOUT PERSONS BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE, and very sensitive, he can easily be offended or get his feelings hurt and once that happens he begin to yell, rant and rave, WAH, WAH, WAH, like a baby in a highchair bangin’ until he gets my attention BUT THE ATTENTION HE ENDS UP GETTIN’ DOESN’T HELP HIS BEHAVIOR so he begin whining about how he can’t TAKE THIS, AND HE CAN’T TAKE THAT, I HATE THIS AND I HATE THAT, YOU SAID SOMETHING TO HURT MY FEELINGS, I CAN’T TAKE YOUR MOUTH, (ALTHOUGH HE’S THE ONE WHO GOT ME STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE), BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BANG, BANG, BANG, WAH, WAH, WAH!!
We went out to eat yesterday before I went to work, (I failed to remember what happened the last time we went to dinner before work when we argued about the car insurance and I told him off, you’d think I’d learned my lesson BUT NOOOOOO I had to take him out. We ordered our food, he got his first, I had to wait more than ten minutes or more for my food so after awhile I went to the counter to get a refund because I lost my appetite for the food because it was taking so long to prepare. By this time David has gotten out of his seat walking to the counter speaking loudly, and sarcastically to the workers throwing a STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN FIT IN FRONT OF ALL THE CUSTOMERS AND STAFF and EMBARRASSING THE HECK OUT OF ME AND MAKING ME ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME. I COULDA PUNCHED HIM IN THE THOAT (YES I SAID THOAT) IT’S A BLACK THANG, HEYYYY LOL, I turned to him as I stood in front of the manager embarrassed as all get out and told him to STOP, JUST SHUT UP, ALL THAT IS NOT NECESSARY, I’M HANDLING IT AND YOU’RE EMBARASSSING ME, JUST STOP!!!!
I felt less than 2 ft tall that’s how loud and animated he was in that restaurant. The patrons were looking at us this black woman and white man together, I’M LOOKING FLY AS USUAL BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I ROLL lol, while he’s walking around bangin’ on the highchair thinking he’s helping me when he’s not! I got my money back, gathered my items and walked out the door embarrassed as heck and equally mad at David for acting like that IN PUBLIC IN MY ROYAL PRESENCE LOL I told him off NICELY, he pouted for awhile afterwards until he noticed it wasn’t working nor getting any kind of positive attention from me and stopped TRIPPIN! I’m praying daily for patience in dealing with this GROWN MAN/CHILD, he and my daughter can act the same age at times like they did last weekend and a whole lot of times prior to then but I Love them both with all my heart and wouldn’t trade neither of them in for no amount of money.
God has been patient with me over the years, he continues to be patient with me, I’ not perfect at all, I make all kinds of mistakes, I repent daily for my sarcastic sense of humor when it offends those who don’t get it, like David at times, I pray for patience although I’ve grown over time I still have a ways to go especially when dealing with David. He’s a wonderful man but very immature for his age, he tries real hard to please me and make me happy, he does a great job of it because I am happy despite our struggles, I’m in this marriage for the long haul sometimes I wander if he feels the same especially during his highchair moment or when I’m having my moment, he’s still around so maybe he does feel the same. Our big day is coming, we’re so excited, I pray Lord God that you mature my husband to the man he needs to be for the family you’ve blessed him with for the rest of our lives may I be a supportive yet patient wife to him showing grace and love along the way. I only want to build him up, not tear him down.
He’s my hero, the love of my life, I’m honored to be HIS and pray I can be the woman of God he needs me to be for both he and the Lord. Thank you Lord for blessing me and my child with a wonderful HELPMATE!!! Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Thanks again to all who follow me and read my posts feel free to comment once you follow me, I’ll respond back to you, I promise. Ya’ll are an encouragement to me to continue to share my life with you MY FAMILLY it’s not easy but it’s necessary for my HEALING IN THE LORD. MUCH LOVE